The Lady Doctor and the Mysterious Gift (sounds like a cheesy book title, huh?)

Well, it’s official. BrownEyes is definitely moving back home.

Funnily enough, when I went to the Lady Doctor on Monday, I forgot to turn off my cell phone, and I got not one, but TWO phone calls, back to back, while I was IN THE STIRRUPS. No phone calls all day, until that VERY MOMENT. The first was from BrownEyes, the second from my Mom. While my phone was going off I was apologizing profusely to my doctor and her nurse, neither of which seemed to mind. “At least it’s a pretty song!” I said. (My ringtone at the time was When it Rains by Paramore.)

(Speaking of the Lady Doctor, I’m all clear for an IUD in a couple of weeks, as long as I don’t test positive for Chlamydia or Gonorrhea. Fingers crossed! Wow that would suck majorly if I had one of those STD’s. Ultimate FAIL.)

BrownEyes left a voicemail, and I called him back.

“I was in a very uncomfortable position when you called!”
“Huh?”
“I was at the Lady Doctor.”
“Oh, because I was going to say, ‘like the back of a Volkswagen?’”

OMG. SWOON. He just quoted my favorite movie EVER. OF ALL TIME. Mallrats.

I think it’s meant to be. Hehehe.

So he said he was going to be bringing a lot of his stuff in a U-Haul on Tuesday (yesterday) and sleeping on the floor in his apartment back in Florida for a week or so. He suggested going to lunch when he was here, but our schedules were conflicted. So I guess I’ll see him next week, when he is “officially” back here.

Well, I got a call from Lisa last night. She said that BrownEyes had stopped by her apartment when she wasn’t there and gave a CD to her roommate to give to her. Well, at least we THINK it was BrownEyes, because he didn’t say his name (sounds like a BrownEyes thing to do), but he fit the description (long-ish black hair, SWOON again) and had previously mentioned some music to her that he thought she might like. OMG y’all. So sweet.

I told her, “I’m kind of glad you weren’t home, because then I would have been jealous that you got to see him and I didn’t!” Hah.

I told myself I would wait until today to call and thank him, but of course, I didn’t, and ended up calling him shortly after I got off the phone with Lisa. I justified this with, “Well, don’t want to seem unappreciative! Lisa did tell me to thank him, after all . . .” so I left him a voicemail. Now I play the waiting game.

Man, I am going to feel REALLY stupid if he is not the mystery man who left the CD. Ick.

Oh yeah, remember Adam? He comes back from his FIVE WEEK LONG VACATION today.

Can you guess who is NOT going to be calling him?

Yeah, that would be me.

I’m outta here, y’all

I get off work in 45 minutes.

I am leaving for the beach tomorrow a.m.

WOO

FUCKING

HOO!!!!!!!!!!

Lisa and I scored a really cheap place ($50 bucks a night and two blocks from the beach? Get. Out.) from a friend’s mom. Which means more money for things like BEER! And FOOD! And a small souvenir for Claire since she bought me one on her last beach trip.

I got a call from BrownEyes today, and he wants me to give him a call when we’re on the way. Yay! Maybe we’ll get to hang out a bit while we’re down there. I just hope that, upon meeting Lisa, he doesn’t like her more than me because Lisa is a HOTTIE. And she is like, NICER than me, and pretty much just superior to me in every way.

I am not actually worried about this happening. I just kinda wanted to brag on Lisa a bit since I don’t really mention too much about her on here other than her (fake) name.

Try not to miss me too much! Hopefully I can get my Google Reader below 50 before I leave so I won’t have a mountain of blogs posts to read upon my return.

Love y’all! xoxo

A horizontal life, in more ways than one

Recently, I said that I had made a choice in the way I would approach my new single life:

I’m going to be a strong woman and I’m not going to let a man dictate my happiness.

So far, so good! I haven’t cried since the whole Adam situation, which I’m pretty sure I am over. If he wants space, I’ll give him space. I don’t NEED him in my life. I did just fine the other 24 years without him.

Ed. note: I did not get into a lot of what our problems were on this blog. I did not cry over his passive-aggressive text messages, which is what I mentioned in the previously linked entry. I cried over his yo-yo attitude and the fact that I needed his approval (for whatever reason), and was not getting it. Plus, sometimes he acted like a gigantic turd.

I got back on my anti-depressants, because they just make me feel, satisfied. You know? I don’t feel chemically neutered when I take them. I don’t have the urge to drown my sorrows with copious amounts of beer or a vat of ice cream or the occasional tequila shot or twelve. Things that normally would seem HUGE to me, don’t matter. They just, don’t.

And then I can really be me. Not my problems.

I don’t like being my problems.

But getting back to my philosophy, not letting a man dictate my happiness could most likely mean not dating anyone for a while, or at least not getting into a relationship with anyone. I’m definitely not going to jump into a relationship again so soon after the breakup. I’ve learned my lesson on that one.

HOWEVER. I did go on a date Saturday night. Please try to contain your excitement.

It was with an older guy, but not too old (thirty to be exact), and holy crap he is freaking gorgeous. Let’s call him BrownEyes for now, because he has these amazing light brown eyes.

-BACK STORY-

At an engagement party a couple years ago for my friend’s brother (let’s call him FB for short), BrownEyes asked FB, “Who is your sister’s friend? She is cute!”

FB said, “DON’T YOU EVEN FUCKING THINK ABOUT IT. You are not dating any of my sister’s friends. She has a boyfriend anyway. NO.”

Which made me laugh (BrownEyes told me this story over dinner). So I was right. I’d always felt a little flirtation from BrownEyes when we happened to talk to each other at social gatherings, so his story confirmed that. He would have pursued me if it hadn’t been for Murray.

Murray. That fucker.

-END BACK STORY-

So anyhoodle. We saw each other out on Friday night, exchanged numbers, and then BAM. We were on a date the next night. He’s a phone call guy. Not a texter. I like that about him. We ended up staying at the restaurant for almost two hours, just talking, then went out to a bar for another two hours.

Six beers later (APIECE), we could hardly keep our clothes on when we got back to my house. Slutty, I know. You don’t have to tell me. What can I say, I like-a the sex-a. BrownEyes? He likes the dirty talk. I could never repeat some of the things he said. I mean, I guess they weren’t THAT bad. He didn’t say he wanted to, like, kill my Mom then castrate a kitten or anything like that.

It was really good. Not as good as Adam, but it was still really good. (Side note: Damn you, Adam, for ruining sex for me. Thanks. A. Lot.)

So he spent the night, and we woke up the next morning, watched Dude Where’s My Car (I know, classic cinema), and I took him back to his car. So a good time was had by all, which is what my intentions were. Because BrownEyes? He lives two and a half hours away from me. And he is going home either today or tomorrow. I am not sure if I will see him before he leaves. We kinda left things open like that due to the long-distance thing. I wanted someone to have some short-term fun with, and I did.

I am going to the beach later this week (WOOOFUCKINGOOOOOOT) for vacation, and he will be down there too, a little bit down the road from where Lisa and I are staying, so we may try to meet up. If not, I will continue with the rest of my life, and probably won’t see him for months.

AND THAT WILL BE OKAY.

—–

Also, got a completely random Facebook chat sesh with one of Murray’s friends. The sneaky bastard. He chatted me up for a bit, then I got this little nugget of a (joke — I HOPE) proposition:

Let’s get nekkid and start a revolution!

Well.

So yeah.

How does one reply to that?

He also messaged me again last night, telling me he was sick and to make him some dinner.

I forsee myself clicking the “Go Offline” option frequently in my future.

A vicious cycle

Since Adam left, I’ve been finding pretty good ways to occupy my time. Funnily enough, I’ve been hanging with his sister, Lisa. I’ve been friends with Lisa for longer than I’ve known Adam, so it’s not a strange thing that we’ve been hanging out. She is very much like me in that she gets lonely, and in the past few weeks all three of us had been together a lot due to Adam’s impending five week long vacation. So now Lisa and I are keeping each other company in Adam’s absence.

Yesterday, Lisa and I went to see Wall-E (so cute!) and to eat at Red Lobster. As we were leaving the theater, her phone began to vibrate, and she almost didn’t answer the “Restricted” call. But she answered it anyway.

It was Adam.

I knew it the minute I heard her enthusiastic “HEYYY!!!” I got that feeling I now remember feeling a lot in the past when I was single and there was a new guy in the picture. I got hot all over. My heart started beating really fast. When I have feelings for someone, I tend to feel them HARD. In MY WHOLE BODY.

I got to talk to him for about 2.5 seconds after he finished talking to Lisa because his phone card was running out, and I honestly was at a loss for words. I could only think of the basics, “Are you having fun? Staying out of trouble?” because I was unprepared for the call. I was so nervous to talk to him after almost a week with no contact.

Why does this person—this person who has hurt me and at the same time made me feel the most exciting and pleasurable of emotions—get to me like this? He is JUST A GUY. And he’s not all that great (OK I am lying to myself a little bit here. When he is good, he is REALLY GOOD. When he’s bad, well, let’s not talk about that.) I am usually so balanced, but I am letting his hot and cold nature influence me. I am either cursing his name and breaking his DVD that he left at my house (whoops) or waiting by the phone for the next sign of contact from him. Then hating him for NOT contacting me. Vicious. Cycle. It’s things like this that make me have sympathy for my friend Claire, who is going through something similar with a guy.

A little background info: Claire began dating Scott about four or five years ago. Murray and I loved when they were together; they were such a fun couple. Scott instantly loved us when we met him, and vice versa. After a couple years, though, Claire and Scott began to drift apart. She says she had tried multiple times to tell him how she was feeling about their whole situation, to no avail. He just would not listen to her when she explained her needs and how they were not getting met. In the midst of Claire’s vulnerability, an ex of hers convinced her to cheat on Scott with him. Claire has this issue with sex where she equates sex with love, and I’m sure at the time sleeping with her ex felt good. She suffered with the guilt for a few days until she finally broke down and told Scott what she did. Scott, needless to say, was furious. He refused to speak with her ever again, and that was the end of that relationship.

Claire went through a rough bout of depression and drinking. She would come over to my house constantly to complain about how Scott was never going to forgive her, and that he was going to hold her mistake over her head for the rest of her life. I always gave her the same piece of advice: “What you did was wrong, but you are going to have to forgive yourself for it and move on. Leave Scott alone. He will never let you forget it, and you’ll always be under his thumb if he ever does decide to take you back.”

She would never listen.

One night after a few beers at my house, Claire left to go to a bar within walking distance to her house. I figured she was safe for the night . . . even if she got drunk, she could just walk less than a quarter of a mile home.

Wrong.

That night, after leaving the bar, Claire drove to Scott’s house. Only she didn’t make it there.

She flipped her vehicle, severely injuring herself and was nearly killed. When I went to visit her at the hospital, she had a huge white bandage around her head covering up her exposed scalp. Luckily, there was no brain damage. Just severe emotional trauma, extreme physical pain, impending doom of a pending DUI charge, and a few wicked scars that would be painful reminders in the future.

Scott didn’t come visit Claire in the hospital. He just told her how stupid she was for driving drunk.

What a guy.

Fast forward to today. Claire and Scott still speak almost daily. He invites her over to his house so they can hang out for a little while and then have sex. He never takes her out. Never wants his friends to see him with her. Yet she waits by the phone for him to text her and runs like a little puppy dog when he does.

So, last night Claire met Lisa and me at Red Lobster for dinner. Afterward, the plan was to come to my house. When I got back home, I got a text from Claire saying, “I think I’m just gonna go home. Gotta get up early tonight.”

This was at 9pm. She had to be at school at 8:15am (15 minutes later than I had to be at work). Clearly, she had plans to go to Scott’s house (editor’s note: why lie?). Well, twenty minutes later, guess who walks through the door?

Claire.

“Change your mind?” I said.

“Yeah. Scott just lied to me. He said they had an early practice (Scott is a drummer for a band. This is part of the reason Claire is so crazy in love with him –  she loves rock stars), but I SAW his car at [name of the bar literally RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET from Claire's apartment].”

WHAT. THE. FUCK. How dumb can you be, to tell the girl who is hopelessly in love with you that you have “an early practice,” only to instead go to a bar with your friends that is literally A HUNDRED YARDS and in PLAIN VIEW of said girl’s apartment?

Anyway, I know this is a long post, but I’m getting to the end here. So Lisa, Claire and I all talked about Scott and his asshattery for a little while, and then Claire left. She said she was “going home,” but I saw her texting Scott, and I KNOW that’s where she was going (again, why lie?).

Why do we let these men do this to us?

My new philosophy is to stop caring so much and quit acting like everything is the end of the damned world. Because these bad things that happen to us? They never are that bad. They just seem bad at the time. I’m going to be a strong woman and I’m not going to let a man dictate my happiness. I just wish Claire could share the same philosophy.