It’s not Thanksgiving until . . . and Twilight

God, is the weekend effing over already? UGH. I am trying to squeeze every last drop out of it that I possibly can. Family is nice, but 72 straight hours of it? Leads to the necessity of some serious ME TIME.

Sweatpants? Meet LRC’s fine-lookin’ ass.

Wednesday night I hung out with New York again, and we rounded yet another base in glorious fashion, but the third base coach is still steadily holding up his hand, telling us to be patient. I don’t want sex to wreck the good thing we’ve got going. Not that I think everything is going to come to a screeching halt or the love gods will curse me if we bump uglies, but when you’re with someone you like this much (and I’m hoping he is as into me as I am into him), you want to make sure the time is right and that you’re not just doing it because you’ve had one too many Rum and Diets.

So Thanksgiving was spent at my aunt’s house, and I had not even been there an hour before the fire department showed up.

It’s not Thanksgiving until the fire department comes!

My cousin had removed the turkey from the oven and some of the juices had fallen into the bottom of it. The juices started smoking and the smoke alarm went off, triggering a signal to the fire station. They came and everyone got a good laugh out of it. I took pictures, obvs.

Then later, my other cousin, who just got back from Iraq and has to go back in about a week (FROWN), attempted to set up the fire pit in the back yard, and grabbed a bunch of old wood that was COVERED with roaches. I expressed my disgust for the vile six-legged creatures, so he reacted to my disdain by THROWING ONE IN MY HAIR.

HE THREW. A COCKROACH. AT MY HEAD.

I thought he was joking at first, that he didn’t really throw it, but when I felt those little legs crawling on the back of my neck, I screamed like a little girl and shook it out with great fervor.

It’s not Thanksgiving until someone throws a roach in your hair!

The next two days were spent with my other side of the family. On Friday, immediately after we ate, my aunt went to lie on the couch, where she stayed for several hours. My mom mentioned that she had been having this thing called a “cluster headache” (we kept calling it a clusterfuck—I assured my mom it wasn’t dirty and she finally warmed up to the term), and when it didn’t go away, they took her to the emergency room and she got a shot that eventually made her feel much better.

It’s not Thanksgiving until someone has to take a trip to the emergency room!

While they were gone (my aunt, my mom, and my other aunt all went), I was left to hang out with my cousin and her triplets (all 3 boys. Yes, TRIPLET. BOYS. No, they did not use fertility drugs. This tendency of my family to have multiple births does not bode well for my future), and of course one of them fell and got a bloody nose.

It’s not Thanksgiving until some kid gets a bloody nose!

He’s OK. Just so ya know.

The next day (Saturday) I managed to get some Christmas shopping done. And lose my iPod. Awesome. Although I did score a vintage scarf from the 60’s that totally OWNS YOUR MOM.

So, Saturday night I FINALLY got to come home and I promptly went to the bar to meet my friends who were in town for the weekend (EXHAUSTED? ME? YES.) I ended up crashing New York’s card-playing festivities at his house around midnight (it was him and two other couples, it wasn’t a guy’s night or anything), and apparently I’d gotten a little more tipsy than I thought and ended up passing out on his couch. So no mackage. Frown. But we did wake up around 10, talk for a couple hours (seriously, when we talk the time just FLIES by. I could talk to him all day), and then grabbed lunch.

I am hopelessly in like with this kid. I get giddy just thinking about him. He is mother effing HILARIOUS. Today I had to tell him to “stop with the funny” so I could drive and not kill us both in the process because I was cracking up so badly. He makes me laugh that deep, throaty laugh that eventually turns into a cackle (I can become quite animated when amused). And I can use BIG WORDS around him. And fancy syntax. And his face doesn’t turn into a question mark like it did with other guys.

Maybe after we FINALLY DO IT, we can start having Naked Scrabble Night? Ooh, my nerdy, sex-obsessed self is liking that idea.

In other news, I jumped on the bandwagon and read Twilight. And I FREAKING LOVED IT. Rarely does a book cause me to gasp audibly, but this one? Yeah. In love. With a fictional character. Like everyone else, though, I do have a few gripes. Some of them have already been expressed on other blogs, but I am going to mention them too, because damn it, this is my blog and I can do what I want to and you can’t stop me, bwahahahaha.

First, what is so freaking appealing about Bella? I mean, I understand Edward’s reason, because she be smellin’ all good to him and shit, but the other guys? Seriously? Is small town life that dull that you have to latch on to every new possibility that comes to light? Although, if ditzy, stereotypical high school girls like Jessica were the only other option, I might be lusting after the first thing that moved as well.

Second, I am impatient, and A) I want Edward to just turn her into a freaking vampire already so they can be together forever and ever amen, or B) I WANT THEM TO FUCK LIKE RABBITS. But then there would be no buildup. No “fun.” Bah.

(I BET EDWARD HAS A BIG DICK.)

Yeah, I just said that.

So I was a huge dork today and I went and saw the movie. By myself. And not only did I see it by myself, I got upset when the colors on the screen were wrong (purple and green, anyone?) and went to complain to an employee because DAMN IT I WILL JUST NOT BE SATISFIED IF I CAN’T SEE EDWARD’S CARAMEL EYES IN TRUE FORM. Then when I came back inside the theater I held my hands up as if to say LOOK PEOPLE I HAVE GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL and said, “THEY’RE WORKING ON IT!”

The audience let out a sigh of relief. I felt like a hero.

Just kidding. But I did feel kinda brave for being the only one to address the masses, as several other people had already complained and not said anything.

The movie itself? Enh. Cheesy. If you haven’t read the book, then you’re probably going to wonder “why are these two kids so in love with one another? They’ve barely spoken and now they’re all YOU ARE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW BLAH BLAH BLAH.” Although, it kept me entertained. And Edward was way hot.

I think the reason Edward is so appealing to so many women is because we love it when guys treat us like shit. Also, when they say one thing and do another. Seriously. It’s like this:

Edward: GO AWAY. DIE. We can’t be friends.
Bella: YOU ARE SO FREAKING HOT.
Edward: I know.
Bella: Ugh you are so FRUSTRATING.
Edward: I love you.
Bella: WHAT?
Edward: I love you.
Bella: OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU TOO. I AM SO PREPARED TO DIE FOR YOU RIGHT NOW IT IS NOT EVEN FUNNY.

Disclaimer. Guys. Please don’t treat us like shit. Even though we FREAKING LOVE IT.