So much crazy, I can’t even keep ahold of it

Y’all, my life is CRAZIFIED.

FOR REALSKI.

The bitchiness continues, but that’s not the half of it.

SO.

Remember how I took off early on Friday? I went to my parents’ house to lie in the sun and read my Donna Martin Tori Spelling book, and I invited Claire to join me. My parents were gone to the beach with my aunt and uncle, and I was taking care of their four dogs. In addition to their dogs, I also had my two dogs, MamaDog and BabyDog. If you’re keeping score, you know that that is six dogs I was responsible for.

SIX. DOGS.

Anyhoodle, I suggested to Claire that we should go to my aunt’s pool the next day (Saturday) since they were out of town and we could have it to ourselves (they knew ahead of time we might do that, so don’t go thinking we are rudeness personified!). We spoke casually about it, it’s not like we tattooed GOING TO [LRC]‘S AUNT’S POOL ON SATURDAY 8.16.08 BEST FRIENDS FO EVA on our arms or anything.

WELL.

Saturday morning afternoon when I woke up and went home (BTW, BrownEyes and I slept on THE. MOST. UNCOMFORTABLE. BED. EVER. the night before, at his friend’s house. It literally felt like a wooden crate with a fitted sheet pulled over it), I instinctively called Lisa, just to see what she was doing. She said she was at HER pool, and invited me to come over. Right as I was pulling into the driveway, Claire texted me. I informed her that I was at Lisa’s pool instead of my aunt’s, and for her to come by.

She texted back, “No thanks. I’ll just go to [Scott]’s. Forget about the plans we made.”

EXCUSE ME?

Ummmmm . . .

Didn’t really know what to say to that. So I said nothing. She was obviously mad at me, but this is a pattern of Claire’s. She is jealous of mine and Lisa’s friendship. It’s ridiculous. You’d think we were in grade school, not wanting to “share” friends. Whatevs.

So she texts me, of course, on Sunday, “What’s up?” like NOTHING is wrong. Claire is always picking fights and then the next day she acts like nothing had ever happened.

Well I’m not letting her do it this time. I’m ignoring her. She needs to find out the hard way that she can’t just throw a little temper tantrum, say rude things to me, and then things just go back to normal. Ain’t happenin’. She needs to grow up, and I haven’t been doing any favors by placating her and “fixing things” for her.

ANYHOODLE. That, however, is not the cherry on top of my fan-fucking-tabulous week.

—BACKSTORY ALERT—

There is this couple I have been friends with for a while. Let’s call them Glen and Amy. Sure, why not? WELL. Glen and I used to, sorta kinda, hook up back in the day. No big deal. It was before he and Amy ever dated. Amy and I were friends, too. Well, when they started dating several months after our meaningless “fling,” I was happy for them. But Amy turned into a raging lunatic, going off on Glen and any woman he talked to if he veered out of her sight for even a moment. You can imagine this reaction was intensified when he spoke with a girl he’d gotten busy with in the past.

So ever since then we have been “frenemies,” sort of. We have had a few “heart to hearts” after copious amounts of beer, and until recently our status was “friends.”

OR SO I THOUGHT.

—END BACKSTORY—

The other night, I saw Glen and Amy out at a bar. Well, first I saw Glen. His face immediately lit up when he saw me. He kept complimenting how great I looked (when we last hung out on a regular basis, I weighed about 30 pounds more than I do now). He also remarked, “I heard you were single. I wish I was!”

Um, awkward?

I don’t remember his exact wording, but he more or less told me he wished he was with me instead of Amy. This was not the first time he has made a comment like this, and, while flattering, it makes me extremely uncomfortable. How do you respond to that, exactly? Also, I was nervous Amy would see us talking and lose. her. shit.

So, throughout the night I tried to forget what was said. We all laughed and joked, fun was had by all.

AGAIN, OR SO I THOUGHT.

Apparently, when it was time for me to leave, I said bye to Glen and forgot to tell Amy goodbye before I left.

BIG MISTAKE.

I didn’t mean anything by it. I really didn’t. I am SO not that type of person. I do not WANT Glen. The ironic thing is, back when we hooked up, I was the one crushing hard on him and he only wanted me on his own time. Now, he is interested in ME and I want nothing to do with him. Four years ago when it was going on, I was 20 and still in college, and he was 24. I didn’t care about what he did for a living. Now, though, he is 28 and has no ambition whatsoever. That is a total turnoff for me. I don’t want an overachiever, but I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t give a damn about ANYTHING.

Oh yeah, I also don’t want SOME OTHER CHICK’S BOYFRIEND, either.

So, I’m leaving with Adam (HOLY SHIT I KNOW–I’ll get to that in a minute), and Amy comes running after me. And proceeds to cuss me out. Yeah, classy. I don’t remember exactly what was said because it all happened so fast, but I do remember her saying I was immature, because I said, “No, YOU are the immature one because you are getting all worked up over some petty bullshit!”, but what I did not hear while I was walking off, which Adam told me later, was that she called me a skank.

A SKANK.

WHO STILL CALLS PEOPLE SKANKS?

And then Adam gave her a little piece of his mind, which I thought was nice of him to do on my behalf.

So, since I don’t have her phone number, I e-mailed her. I told her how bitchy it was and how I would never do something like that to her, especially in a crowded bar in front of lots of people. I also explained to her that she had the wrong impression of me, that I was not that girl that she thought I was. That I also must have had the wrong impression of her, because I thought she was a friend.

Well, she e-mailed me back, apologizing profusely, and we both agreed to just let bygones be bygones and forget the whole thing ever happened. Yeah, I’m nice like that. And also? It’s just ridic. I honestly do not even have the energy to hate on the girl.

So anyway. Back to the Adam thing. We’ve been hanging out casually as friends lately, and it really isn’t weird at all. We just get along so effortlessly, and it’s easier to do that without that whole relationship layer added in there.

HOWEVER.

We did have sex again, once. And it was FUCKING WONDERFUL. God, I wish he wasn’t so damned gorgeous and good in bed.

I told you. My life is crazified.