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Still haven’t heard from Glen, so, crisis averted — for now. I know I’m eventually going to have to face it and just tell him it ain’t gonna happen. I just can’t bring myself to inform him via text. I HATE TEXT MESSAGING.
Well, actually, I have a love/hate relationship with texting. With my friends, it’s great. I almost PREFER it. But when you’re trying to date me? CALL ME. I’m sure I’ve bitched about this on the ole blog before, but I’m just reiterating my point to explain why I haven’t told Glen yet that I am not going to be his next conquest.
I once received a text message in error that said something to the effect of
I’m sorry I just don’t think it’s going to work, [blah blah blah Dear Jane crap]
—[Some really awesome gangsta nickname I'm sure he made up for himself]
and I was so furious at this asshole that I called his phone and left a voicemail telling him what a bastard he was for breaking up with his girlfriend VIA TEXT MESSAGE, that he should be ashamed of himself, and that he should check to make sure he has the right number before he sends such an asshole-ish text message.
So yeah. I’m pretty adamant on this issue.
I am fully aware that my blog has become a whiny bitchfest centered around men and dating. Yeah, I’m tired of it, too. I just wish men would stop coming into my life to FUCK WITH ME. I haven’t pursued ANY of these guys I’ve mentioned lately. I mean, I feel like I have a big sign around my neck that says, “I don’t have ENOUGH problems in my life, please come create drama and/or cause me to have low self-esteem by acting interested and then COMPLETELY FLAKING OUT FOR NO REASON.”
Case in point: last Thursday, the last time I saw BrownEyes, we had sex (duh) and afterward he made a request that I, uh, DO SOMETHING to a certain BODY PART. Something that requires MAINTENANCE.
(I hope you can figure that out because I am to embarassed to type it out.)
So, if a person asked you to do something like that, wouldn’t you assume he or she, you know, wanted to SEE YOU AGAIN?
Yeah, me too.
That night is the last time I’ve laid eyes on him.
I know it’s only been a week, but our pattern has been 2-3 times per week since he moved back home. We have spoken only briefly on the phone.
OH YEAH, and did I mention? That night he also asked me if I wanted to invite my parents over to eat supper. MY PARENTS.
WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE. SERIOUSLY.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I. Do. Not. Understand. Men.
I can live without BrownEyes. I can live without a man, period. This is not the point. But guys? Please don’t call me if you’re not interested. Just, don’t call. It’s that simple!
AND ESPECIALLY DON’T ASK ME TO MAKE A MAJOR (well it’s major to me) CHANGE TO MY BODY AND PLAN TO INVITE MY PARENTS OVER FOR DINNER AND THEN GO AWOL ON ME.
I have to go back to the lady doctor in a couple weeks to make sure everything is OK with my IUD, i.e. it is not uncomfortable during sex. I am not going to be very happy if I have to make a trip only to tell her, “Well, I haven’t had sex, so I really couldn’t tell ya! Here’s my co-pay, see you in a year! Maybe by then I’ll have gotten some action! Fingers crossed!”
SO HERE’S MY PLAN.
- Don’t call BrownEyes. Don’t even THINK about him. Just. Don’t. Do. It.
- Focus on ME, ME, ME and what I want to do.
OK I thought I was going to have more things on that list, but you get the point.
AIN’T NO ONE GONNA RAIN ON MY PARADE TODAY. I am all kinds of awesome, and if someone doesn’t want to be with me, it’s his loss. Just because someone is not interested in me, it does not mean I am not still the Amazing Lady I’ve always been.
FUCK YEAH!
SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE. WHAT THE FUCK.
The craziness continues.
Surprised?
I’ll bet you aren’t.
I don’t understand why these things happen to me.
Remember the Glen and Amy debacle? Supposedly, Glen broke up with Amy after that. Or so he says. Well, I got this lovely text message from Glen this past Saturday:
Will u be my main squeeze ive been thinking about you alot now that u r single i am very unhappy with her
can we get together soon
private
God. Damnit.
Why does this shit keep happening to me? I mean, it’s nice to know someone is thinking about you. But not when you’re sorta kinda not really in a relationship with someone but you WOULD like it to progress further eventually and dating other guys would PROBABLY ruin it. AND ALSO, not when the girl he JUST BROKE UP WITH is EFFING INSANE and will have my head on a stick if she even so much as SUSPECTS anything is going on between Glen and me.
I texted him back something to the effect of:
I don’t really know what to say. That was kind of unexpected.
He said he understood and he didn’t really expect an answer, but he DID still want to talk to me about it.
Great.
Also, if he ALLEGEDLY broke up with her, then why did he say I AM unhappy with her? Wouldn’t he say I WAS unhappy with her?
(And, also, too [to be redundantly repetitive], who says “main squeeze” anymore?)
If we do end up meeting in person to talk about it, I am going to bring up these points:
(Don’t you love how I make lists for EVERYTHING, including clandestine discussions with an old flame in which I have to let him down gently?)
- I am dating BrownEyes. And while we have not discussed exclusivity, I’m quite certain that BrownEyes would be none too thrilled if I were to start seeing Glen, especially considering the fact that BrownEyes once asked me if I used to date Glen. Also? If forced to choose between the two, I don’t see myself picking Glen. Ever. So why even go there? I mean, I know I’m single and I have the right to date multiple guys, but that doesn’t mean I WANT to.
- We have barely spoken in the 3+ years Glen has been dating Amy. A lot has changed in those three years. I am probably not the person he remembers from three years ago. He, on the same note, is probably not the same as I remember him, either.
- He JUST broke up with Amy (again, or so he says. He could be lying to find out what his options are). And she would FLIP. HER. SHIT if she found out. I don’t have the energy nor emotional fortitude to handle that right now.
- I really wonder if it’s ME he really wants, or if he just wants an easy way out of his crappy relationship. He probably just saw me the other night, remembered the fun times we used to have together, and mistook that as some sort of sign that he needed to be with me and not her.
HOPEFULLY, he will just take the hint and leave me alone, and I won’t even have to worry about all that.
Something tells me, though, given the crazy rollercoaster my life has been these past few months? He will not.
Sigh.
Me:
http://www.dumblittleman.com/2008/08/five-reasons-to-write-down-everything.html
They should have looked at their stock photography a little more closely. I don’t think “iPod” or “CD” would go on my “list of things I ate this week.”
Andy:
Only you [LRC]… only you.
Last year, when Murray and I were still together, one of his closest friends, let’s call him Calvin, was having a very rough time. His father was diagnosed with cancer, and by the time he found out about it, it had spread so far that there was not much hope for him.
As the months went by, Calvin and his family went on many trips to several different oncologists. They only prolonged the inevitable, and he was given a few months to live.
Calvin’s dad was one of those people that was instantly likeable. Everyone who met him adored him. He was an intensely caring person, and he made the most out of everything. He was a jack of all trades, and a terrific father.
Last November, he passed away.
The family had had time to adjust to their loss because of his year-long battle with cancer, but it still wasn’t easy to deal with by any stretch of the imagination. They had so much support from their friends, however. I have never seen so many people at a visitation or a funeral. Murray and I didn’t even get to speak to Calvin and his family at the visitation because there were so many attendees. Calvin seemed almost happy that his father had passed away, though, because he knew there was no more pain or suffering.
At the time, Calvin’s sister was seven months pregnant. Calvin’s dad never got to meet his granddaughter.
Two months later, a sweet little baby girl was born. She was an absolute angel, and she was really the glue that held the family together after the death of their father/husband/son.
On August 17th, she turned seven months old.
On August 18th, she was airlifted to a children’s hospital in Atlanta due to complications from bacterial meningitis.
On August 20th, she passed away.
I cannot even begin to fathom the heartache this family is going through right now. I want everyone reading this to stop right now, and thank God for everything he has given you. Your boss is giving you a hard time (believe me I know the feeling)? At least you can still breathe air out of your lungs. Make the most of today, because there might not be a tomorrow.
I am not a religious person by any means, but events like this really put things into perspective for me.
Again, just slow down. Take time to appreciate every moment. Be glad you’re still here.
Y’all, my life is CRAZIFIED.
FOR REALSKI.
The bitchiness continues, but that’s not the half of it.
SO.
Remember how I took off early on Friday? I went to my parents’ house to lie in the sun and read my Donna Martin Tori Spelling book, and I invited Claire to join me. My parents were gone to the beach with my aunt and uncle, and I was taking care of their four dogs. In addition to their dogs, I also had my two dogs, MamaDog and BabyDog. If you’re keeping score, you know that that is six dogs I was responsible for.
SIX. DOGS.
Anyhoodle, I suggested to Claire that we should go to my aunt’s pool the next day (Saturday) since they were out of town and we could have it to ourselves (they knew ahead of time we might do that, so don’t go thinking we are rudeness personified!). We spoke casually about it, it’s not like we tattooed GOING TO [LRC]‘S AUNT’S POOL ON SATURDAY 8.16.08 BEST FRIENDS FO EVA on our arms or anything.
WELL.
Saturday morning afternoon when I woke up and went home (BTW, BrownEyes and I slept on THE. MOST. UNCOMFORTABLE. BED. EVER. the night before, at his friend’s house. It literally felt like a wooden crate with a fitted sheet pulled over it), I instinctively called Lisa, just to see what she was doing. She said she was at HER pool, and invited me to come over. Right as I was pulling into the driveway, Claire texted me. I informed her that I was at Lisa’s pool instead of my aunt’s, and for her to come by.
She texted back, “No thanks. I’ll just go to [Scott]’s. Forget about the plans we made.”
EXCUSE ME?
Ummmmm . . .
Didn’t really know what to say to that. So I said nothing. She was obviously mad at me, but this is a pattern of Claire’s. She is jealous of mine and Lisa’s friendship. It’s ridiculous. You’d think we were in grade school, not wanting to “share” friends. Whatevs.
So she texts me, of course, on Sunday, “What’s up?” like NOTHING is wrong. Claire is always picking fights and then the next day she acts like nothing had ever happened.
Well I’m not letting her do it this time. I’m ignoring her. She needs to find out the hard way that she can’t just throw a little temper tantrum, say rude things to me, and then things just go back to normal. Ain’t happenin’. She needs to grow up, and I haven’t been doing any favors by placating her and “fixing things” for her.
ANYHOODLE. That, however, is not the cherry on top of my fan-fucking-tabulous week.
—BACKSTORY ALERT—
There is this couple I have been friends with for a while. Let’s call them Glen and Amy. Sure, why not? WELL. Glen and I used to, sorta kinda, hook up back in the day. No big deal. It was before he and Amy ever dated. Amy and I were friends, too. Well, when they started dating several months after our meaningless “fling,” I was happy for them. But Amy turned into a raging lunatic, going off on Glen and any woman he talked to if he veered out of her sight for even a moment. You can imagine this reaction was intensified when he spoke with a girl he’d gotten busy with in the past.
So ever since then we have been “frenemies,” sort of. We have had a few “heart to hearts” after copious amounts of beer, and until recently our status was “friends.”
OR SO I THOUGHT.
—END BACKSTORY—
The other night, I saw Glen and Amy out at a bar. Well, first I saw Glen. His face immediately lit up when he saw me. He kept complimenting how great I looked (when we last hung out on a regular basis, I weighed about 30 pounds more than I do now). He also remarked, “I heard you were single. I wish I was!”
Um, awkward?
I don’t remember his exact wording, but he more or less told me he wished he was with me instead of Amy. This was not the first time he has made a comment like this, and, while flattering, it makes me extremely uncomfortable. How do you respond to that, exactly? Also, I was nervous Amy would see us talking and lose. her. shit.
So, throughout the night I tried to forget what was said. We all laughed and joked, fun was had by all.
AGAIN, OR SO I THOUGHT.
Apparently, when it was time for me to leave, I said bye to Glen and forgot to tell Amy goodbye before I left.
BIG MISTAKE.
I didn’t mean anything by it. I really didn’t. I am SO not that type of person. I do not WANT Glen. The ironic thing is, back when we hooked up, I was the one crushing hard on him and he only wanted me on his own time. Now, he is interested in ME and I want nothing to do with him. Four years ago when it was going on, I was 20 and still in college, and he was 24. I didn’t care about what he did for a living. Now, though, he is 28 and has no ambition whatsoever. That is a total turnoff for me. I don’t want an overachiever, but I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t give a damn about ANYTHING.
Oh yeah, I also don’t want SOME OTHER CHICK’S BOYFRIEND, either.
So, I’m leaving with Adam (HOLY SHIT I KNOW–I’ll get to that in a minute), and Amy comes running after me. And proceeds to cuss me out. Yeah, classy. I don’t remember exactly what was said because it all happened so fast, but I do remember her saying I was immature, because I said, “No, YOU are the immature one because you are getting all worked up over some petty bullshit!”, but what I did not hear while I was walking off, which Adam told me later, was that she called me a skank.
A SKANK.
WHO STILL CALLS PEOPLE SKANKS?
And then Adam gave her a little piece of his mind, which I thought was nice of him to do on my behalf.
So, since I don’t have her phone number, I e-mailed her. I told her how bitchy it was and how I would never do something like that to her, especially in a crowded bar in front of lots of people. I also explained to her that she had the wrong impression of me, that I was not that girl that she thought I was. That I also must have had the wrong impression of her, because I thought she was a friend.
Well, she e-mailed me back, apologizing profusely, and we both agreed to just let bygones be bygones and forget the whole thing ever happened. Yeah, I’m nice like that. And also? It’s just ridic. I honestly do not even have the energy to hate on the girl.
So anyway. Back to the Adam thing. We’ve been hanging out casually as friends lately, and it really isn’t weird at all. We just get along so effortlessly, and it’s easier to do that without that whole relationship layer added in there.
HOWEVER.
We did have sex again, once. And it was FUCKING WONDERFUL. God, I wish he wasn’t so damned gorgeous and good in bed.
I told you. My life is crazified.
People seriously are driving me to drink. Heavily.
Two people have complained about me to my boss this week. TWO.
Do you know how many people have ever complained about me to my boss in the SIX MONTHS I have been here, including these two?
TWO.
This WEEK.
What. The. Fuck.
The first woman complained because she thought I had disrespected her. She said she was “very upset.” OK first of all, I am not a disrespectful person. I am not a rude person, either, unless of course you are rude to me first. We all have our moments when we are LESS THAN CHEERFUL, but certainly I do not go out of my way to offend someone.
Apparently, this woman thinks I am the direct spawn of satan. And felt the need to tell my boss about it instead of, you know, telling ME.
Seriously. I have no problem with authority. I actually PREFER being managed, as opposed to managing others. But if you have a personal issue with me? Tell ME. Because then, only one awkward conversation has to take place.
The other one complained about some random work crap. I didn’t include her on the e-mail list for some B.S. LAME.
Again, tell ME.
This is the week from hell. Not only was my boss being an incredible bitch, like, the ENTIRE week, but two people I “offended” complained about me to her. Awesome. THAT helps things. Thanks.
I have used the word “fuck” today more times than I have ever thought possible.
Okay, seriously? While I was in the process of writing this (she didn’t catch me or anything, I am doing this in between tasks) my boss came in here and told me something ELSE I supposedly did wrong. I had to walk outside to get some fresh air and cool off so I didn’t fucking tear her round, fat head off her round, fat body.
I just submitted a leave form, for today. I am leaving at lunch. Fuck. This. Shit.
Sorry to be a Negative Nancy, especially on Friday. I hope my dear freaders had a better week than I. The weekend is upon us! Rejoice!
TEN POINTS TO YOU IF YOU GET THE REFERENCE FROM THE TITLE.
Hey, remember when I told you BrownEyes was moving back home? Well, apparently he failed to mention to me that he may not accept the job offer. Even though he, you know, moved all his crap out of his apartment and it’s now in storage here in his/my hometown.
Yeah . . .
So he got home last night and called to ask me to dinner. We met at the restaurant, and guess who I saw there? Adam’s parents! It was so satisfying to tell them I was meeting a date there. A date that was NOT THEIR SON (they are cool with that. They know how he is. It is not offensive for me to tell them this).
Also, side note on Adam? I WON THE TEXTING WAR. He texted me first after he got back from vacay. Hah!
God I am pathetic.
When I met Browneyes there, we ended up having drinks while watching the Olympics on one of the TV’s there (I didn’t dare tell him that I don’t give two shits about the Olympics, but whatever. It’s not like I HATE them, I’m just . . . not interested. Sorry!) and stayed there almost 3 hours. We had good conversation and lots of laughs, though I could tell he was a bit distracted by the Olympics because he wasn’t making as much eye contact as usual. Well, when we left, I got the goodbye hug. A HUG. This is our third date, and we have already had sex twice. The jig is up. KISS ME DAMN IT. I do not understand why I did not get a peck, at least. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Not only that, but his follow-up interview (the one in which he was supposed to accept or reject the offer) was at 8:00 this morning.
I MAY be slightly freaking out because he has not called me to tell whether or not he accepted the offer.
I MAY be very distracted and hardly able to get any work done because, OH MY GOD, THE A.D.D.
I MAY quite possibly be entirely too overanalytical and SLIGHTLY crazy.
I am getting an IUD on Friday, and the doctor says I should have sex sometime soon afterward so I can make sure the device doesn’t need adjusting. It would probably behoove me to have a willing sex partner for this.
Also, my boss is being a complete cunt waffle today, so that’s not helping my productivity slash state of mind. She has been really short with me, and she uses this GOD YOU INCOMPETENT WENCH tone. Not unlike most days, but today it is elevated.
The secretary and I always do a happy dance when she leaves the office. Once we turned up my speakers and listened to Freedom by George Michael while having a dance party in her office.
HEY BROWNEYES. CALL ME.
I suck at being single.
On another work-related note, someone within my organization asked me today if I would be interested teaching an Intro to Marketing class at an early college program here in town. The possibility of it has me excited and nervous at the same time. I’ve always wanted to try teaching, and an Intro to Marketing class would be the perfect place to start (as opposed to something more complicated like Marketing Channels, which I did NOT take in college). I’m already coming up with ideas of things to do and teach!
It wouldn’t be any extra money, but would be during my normal work hours. The only thing is, the class is five days a week, and the sessions are 90 minutes each. With travel time, that’s almost two hours away from the office.
The person who suggested this spoke with boss lady (AKA fire-breathing dragon) about it today, and she said she’d have to think on it. My guess is she will probably say no. It’d be different if I were teaching it on OUR campus, but since it is kinda sorta unrelated to our college she will be less likely to accept the idea of me being gone almost two hours a day.
So poo. That would look good on my resume, but I’m not getting my hopes up.
That seems to be a theme of mine lately. Not getting my hopes up. Because more often than not, I get disappointed.
I just hope this doesn’t make me an incredibly jaded person, so when the right person/opportunity comes along I won’t pass them by for fear of disappointment. Le sigh.
Here I am again blogging on a Sunday. WTF? But I just had to share this. It was too good not to.
Andy got in a wakeboarding accident and ruptured his eardrum. He was bleeding all out of his left ear and he said he’s having a hard time hearing out of it. Which sucks. A lot.
BUT.
. . . at least he has a sense of humor about it.
This is what he e-mailed me last night (click to enlarge):
I can honestly say that I have struggled with a bit of jealousy in my life. I can admit it because I actively try NOT to be a jealous person. I’m not rude or hateful to people that have something I want. My jealousy is more inward. Silent.
Whenever I feel a bit of jealousy coming on, I remember what a co-worker once told me. “I am always happy for people when they have great fortune, even if nothing good seems to be happening in my life at the moment. Because I know one day when it’s ‘my turn’, that person will be happy for me.”
I think that’s a pretty good philosophy to live by. And it helps me be less of a jealous person.
So lately, while not really feeling jealous (because I am genuinely HAPPY for these people and I wish them the very best), I’ve been feeling a little down when I talk to engaged couples or read blogs where people talk about their upcoming weddings, recent engagements, or even just their awesome relationships.
Because I couldn’t be farther from any of those things.
I do enjoy being single and having my independence. But it can get lonely. I see myself fitting the cliche — sitting on my couch with a frozen dinner while watching 90210 with my cat (NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT) — and my “girl instinct” tells me, “Wow, LRC. You really are pathetic.”
Because when Murray was around, I relished my alone time. I would do whatever I wanted when he wasn’t there, and it was glorious. Because when he was there, we had to always agree on what we were doing. Which, at the time, seemed suffocating.
But now, I don’t even have that option.
I don’t have the OPTION, let alone the obligation, of coming home to anyone. Because I’m all alone.
I don’t know what happened to my independence. I used to be the standoffish one. The one who pushed people away when they got too close. Now I’m reduced to the “Why hasn’t he called? Am I ever going to have sex again? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?” blubbering idiot woman I never thought I’d be.
And during the commercials between the episode when Donna finds out Gina is actually her half-sister, when those happy couples come on TV talking about how they’ve found true love on eHarmony.com, I’m tempted to hurl my blackened chicken primavera Lean Cuisine at the TV and scream, “NOT FAIR!”
But one day, it will be my turn. I will find the person I want to come home to every night, and wake up beside every morning. The person who makes living life immensely more satisfying. And the people who care about me will be happy for me.
But maybe not those people on the eHarmony commercials. They may still be bitter about the alfredo sauce.
Well, it’s official. BrownEyes is definitely moving back home.
Funnily enough, when I went to the Lady Doctor on Monday, I forgot to turn off my cell phone, and I got not one, but TWO phone calls, back to back, while I was IN THE STIRRUPS. No phone calls all day, until that VERY MOMENT. The first was from BrownEyes, the second from my Mom. While my phone was going off I was apologizing profusely to my doctor and her nurse, neither of which seemed to mind. “At least it’s a pretty song!” I said. (My ringtone at the time was When it Rains by Paramore.)
(Speaking of the Lady Doctor, I’m all clear for an IUD in a couple of weeks, as long as I don’t test positive for Chlamydia or Gonorrhea. Fingers crossed! Wow that would suck majorly if I had one of those STD’s. Ultimate FAIL.)
BrownEyes left a voicemail, and I called him back.
“I was in a very uncomfortable position when you called!”
“Huh?”
“I was at the Lady Doctor.”
“Oh, because I was going to say, ‘like the back of a Volkswagen?’”
OMG. SWOON. He just quoted my favorite movie EVER. OF ALL TIME. Mallrats.
I think it’s meant to be. 
Hehehe.
So he said he was going to be bringing a lot of his stuff in a U-Haul on Tuesday (yesterday) and sleeping on the floor in his apartment back in Florida for a week or so. He suggested going to lunch when he was here, but our schedules were conflicted. So I guess I’ll see him next week, when he is “officially” back here.
Well, I got a call from Lisa last night. She said that BrownEyes had stopped by her apartment when she wasn’t there and gave a CD to her roommate to give to her. Well, at least we THINK it was BrownEyes, because he didn’t say his name (sounds like a BrownEyes thing to do), but he fit the description (long-ish black hair, SWOON again) and had previously mentioned some music to her that he thought she might like. OMG y’all. So sweet.
I told her, “I’m kind of glad you weren’t home, because then I would have been jealous that you got to see him and I didn’t!” Hah.
I told myself I would wait until today to call and thank him, but of course, I didn’t, and ended up calling him shortly after I got off the phone with Lisa. I justified this with, “Well, don’t want to seem unappreciative! Lisa did tell me to thank him, after all . . .” so I left him a voicemail. Now I play the waiting game.
Man, I am going to feel REALLY stupid if he is not the mystery man who left the CD. Ick.
Oh yeah, remember Adam? He comes back from his FIVE WEEK LONG VACATION today.
Can you guess who is NOT going to be calling him?
Yeah, that would be me.
